News Letters

If you would like to get on our mailing list for our news letter just email us with "send me a news letter" in the subject line. We try to get out a news letter once a month but if a possible dig comes up it may be a little slower. We like to have as much info to put in the newsletter as we can acquire from sources out around the country so,  if you have any news you wish to pass along like showings, how to's, digging hints or your grandmas favorite recipe. Whatever. We want to get it out to all the folks out there who enjoy this great hobby. We try to make it all fun so send along any funny stories or jokes you find too. 

Submitted Jokes:

Irish DUI

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

''Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later...'' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ''Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.''

''Why? Don't ye believe me?''

You Know Your A Redneck if:

You're a redneck if .... The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection
(you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).

You're a redneck if .... You ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!

You're a redneck if .... The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it
has in it.

You're a redneck if .... You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You're a redneck if .... On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You're a redneck if .... You ever named a child after a dog.

You're a redneck if .... Your sister's education goal is to get out of highschool before she gets pregnant.

We could do these all day long....Send us your favorite Redneck jokes!!!

THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A GOOD RECYCLER AND A NOT-SO-GOOD RECYCLER:

GOOD RECYCLER: You fill up the recycle bin every week with cans, bottles, and jars.

NOT SO GOOD: You give the recycle bin to the kids to use as a toboggan.


GOOD RECYCLER: You take your used motor oil to the nearest recycling station or collection facility.

NOT SO GOOD: You avoid the used-oil problem by never changing your oil. You recycle engines instead.


GOOD RECYCLER: You recycle not only your newspapers but also your phone books, magazines, and cardboard boxes.

NOT SO GOOD: You leave your newspapers in the bathroom stall at work after you're done. Doesn't that count?

Rats

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it.

Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers!" 

Blond Jokes

Beer Bottle
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up!

the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

"Th-Th-Th-That's All Folks For Now" Send us your favorite jokes and we will post them here.

 

These web pages are run as a courtesy to the world of Antique Bottle Collecting. Links are added for free, and reciprocal links are appreciated. To exchange links see our contact page for details.